would you clone your pussy?
This was not sponsored by CloneAWilly, and thankfully, they just so happened to create a really helpful product. Around the world, sex toys are considered novelty items. Which is strange to think of. Why are they not tools for pleasure? Apparatuses for self-discovery or personal development?
My inner social justice warrior (joke) assumes they are novel objects because sexual pleasure throughout the world is questionably valued. The United States, a country that institutionally allows religious & spiritual freedom, is blanketed with a general sense of Puritan culture. A belief system derives from the idea that we as humans are to be without contamination. Devoid of sinful behaviors, thoughts, and intentions. As a second removed Catholic (my parent was Baptized and left before my birth), the concept of purity was internalized even without my understanding.
As a child, I hoped to be a virgin till marriage. Given the world I was raised around without Puritan culture, maybe my intention would have been similar and worded differently. My reason for waiting was not a matter of believing sexual activity should be between a married couple, and it was due to a lack of interest in meaningless sexual activity. Before the modern-day spring of sex educators and sex-positivity, as a teenager, I spent a lot of time studying and working to understand sexuality. My home-schooled sex education taught me the gravity and fun of sexual intercourse.
At 16-years-old I knew that “it” was not something to be shared with just anyone. Waiting was my desire because I wanted to be sure, as someone born when the sun was in Sagittarius. We Sagittarius think very deeply about important events before we engage in them. It is wild to see how much has changed as an adult, yet it is still very easy to circle back to my original feelings. By this time, I have thankfully had my sexual desires unexpectedly met. Knowledgeable of the contents of books like “Sex At Dawn” by Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan, which demystifies sexuality— asserting that our gender stereotypes of sexual behaviors between the sexes are wrong. It is natural for many females to be willing and want to welcome multiple sexual partners. Studying “what do women want” by Daniel Bergner made it clear that the myth of female chastity is a mechanism to promote a male focus on work. Yes, female and womanly purity has become a tool to drive capitalism.
These interesting sexual fun facts are as novel to me as sex toys are to a cognitively confused ‘good girl.’ Resources that can be used to understand desire yet are still arguably unnecessary. A benefit of being raised Spiritual and not religious is that the shame I feel for my sex is not internalized within my core belief system. Societal beliefs do muddle how I feel about my sex. For context, it is probably best to describe what sex is, mostly because it is a slang term used to describe a multitude of realities:
◦ Sex = Chromosomal makeup that determines if a life form is male or female.
My sex is female, and there has never been a point when I have had to question my chromosomal makeup.
◦ Sex is incorrectly used to describe a person as a man or woman; man and woman are only two gender identities.
My gender identity is a non-binary woman. I identify with womanhood's plight and distance myself from the need to focus on my gender. I’m a person. My sex (see above) is medical knowledge.
◦ Sex is a term used to describe sexual intercourse.
Rooting from the actual health concerns brought on by sex and the gender stereotypes of womanhood, the societal beliefs of how a female and woman should go about sex muddle my core beliefs.
In life, I intend to be a reasonable person. I can identify my errors and how science does not always get them right upon reflection. As someone in their twenties, it feels foolish to dismiss religious beliefs without considering how the thought came to be. As mentioned above, women were conditioned to be chaste because it increased societal productivity. Logically speaking, waiting to some extent still makes sense to me, depending on the type of relationship a person is seeking. Lust can be confused for love, and extremist beliefs of complete chastity out of fear of being left could be unhealthy.
That all being said, there is far more ridiculous shaming of sexuality than there is the reason to shame. Like brattish children who can only value fresh and new toys, the typical female body is dehumanized and qualified based on its “virginity.” Mind you, virginity is a term that inherently has a female and feminine connotation which suggests a power imbalance of who we expect purity from. If a boy or man is to be a virgin, he is unfairly emasculated in many circles. If a woman is sexually promiscuous, especially a woman of color, she will be dehumanized, and her sexual desire becomes her defining personality trait.
Whore, slut, dirty, jezebel, fast, hoe.
These cruel words are rarely ascribed to men, boys, males, or masculine energy. According to stereotypes, it is normal for them to want “it.” They are not dirty until they contract a sexually transmitted infection or disease (STI or STD). If they are picked on or singled out for their behavior, it is taken in jest, a reminder that they are the alpha of their pack, the “man.” They are not dirty until something goes visibly and noticeably wrong with their body, which is tricky because males are often asymptomatic compared to females depending on the STI/STD (reference: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2563883/). Turns out, a study conducted in India in 2006 determined that females/(cis) women are more likely to biologically contract STIs and HIV than males/(cis) men, despite males/(cis) men being more likely to transmit STIs and HIV.
“STI transmission patterns have conformed to the cultural patterns of gender expression in the Indian society, such as culturally imposed silence about discussing sex, unequal norms about sexual morality, rights, power, and educational opportunities between the sexes, and changing traditions. For married women in India, HIV and STI transmission has been largely attributed to a spouse who had multiple partners, male resistance to condom use, and women's inability to negotiate safer sex.”
Despite that study being conducted in India, many, if not all, the same social and biological concerns cross over. The differences are a matter of how and why the culture changes. Many if not all of the anatomical and physiological information is relevant. This means, globally, there is an observable culture of demonizing and undermining females and women. The culture of purity projects a false idea that it is the woman’s fault for not maintaining her sexual ‘cleanliness’ and separates males, men, and institutions from their responsibility to ensure Public Health. Why are women the scapegoats?
Personally, the shame of being a sexually comfortable female is exhausting. There have been points when I had been shocked by negative test results for no other reason than society makes sexually promiscuous women out to be dirty, which is unfortunately associated with being diseased and infected either mentally or physically. A sexually active and satisfied woman is shamed at every turn. Her family is called into question, her health and her sanity! When I benefited from isolation during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, it became easier to recognize that having sex (all three definitions listed above) did not mean I was dirty. During the pandemic, the thought of entering the tunnel of Scorpio’s rulership left uneasy feelings.
After being deeply degraded by a previous relationship, I became estranged from my body. Sexual desire became latent, absent without leave, and shame blocked the entryway of becoming reacquainted. With hushed lips, sex was based on what was outward-facing. Thank you, clitoral vibrators, Thinx underwear, and my cloned vulva. Without these tools, it would have been harder to connect with me. During the pandemic and a little before it, I began a sexual and spiritual detox. Abstinent because I needed a break, a refresh, and a restart.
There are myths that the vagina becomes loose if it has had multiple partners, yet not if it is the same? Or is it that eventually, with the same partner, the vagina becomes of use until it is boring, like a novelty item, replaced when it is broken and worn out. None of these myths had to make sense for me to internalize them. As someone with years of sex education under my belt, falling victim to incorrect ideology still hurt because whether or not it was true, the power of belief held its weight. It felt easy to feel like people would be able to see all that I knew. Touching myself became a trigger because it reminded the consequences of cardinal pleasure.
IT WAS NOT OUT OF ADMIRATION when I pulled out a mirror to look at my vulva. It was suspicion. The suspicion that doctors were wrong and the tests were too, and somehow something had to be wrong with me. I hope no one ever experiences that level of self-hate. As my own best friend, I’d remind myself regularly that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Before I could look at myself, staring at my pink vulva mold helped me fall in love with myself again.
I held the most beautiful depiction of my female form with orchids from my garden, crystals filled with loving intentions, and incense, all in a mason jar. Still and soft, separate from my body, an object without sex. Without sex, it had no infections, diseases, or conditions to consider. My novelty was art, frozen to be held, studied, and observed at my leisure. It became easier to see it as cute, beautiful, gorgeous, desirable, and lovely.
With time it is easier to touch me, like my cloned pussy. Mentally, it is easier to separate me from the power of belief. Now I see my genitalia as what it is, genitalia. A part of my body, fine, beautiful no matter the season.
